once again, like never before

in all essence:

you are the HD to my TV
you're the popito to my mommy
you're the I-5 to my California
you're the fudge brownie to my ben and jerry's (made at Greyson Bakery, of course

you're the will to my knowledge
the pish to my posh
the Honda to my Civic
my sister ... to me

you're my love to my culture
my heart to all people
you're the drive to my current position
you're the destiny to my future

you're my blanket on a rainy day
my fuzzy socks during a thunderstorm
my carebears pillow at home, and school

my desire to be healthy
my yearning to Think
the afro to my adonis
and the need for spirituality

the horripilation to my passion
you give me strength when i'm weak
you call when i'm at my lowest, and make me tell you whats wrong

you are the real to my reality
my humor to the worst of situations
you're my outlet in the midst of a quiet storm

it is you that i call on
day or night
thank goodness God created you
dangonit i love you!

all sorts of random tings

and the saga continues...

my mouth often gets me in trouble
not because of what i say, but how i say it

raw...that would be the only way to describe the way i can come off

i don't believe in sugar coating
it creates illusions that need to be explained further later

and since wasting time is a pet peeve
i say why not just give them the real deal right then?

i know feelings can get hurt, stepped on, even plucked

but i'll give you the raw version...cry with you
and then aid in the healing process

so why the eff don't people understand that?

i digress

i hate it when good sitcoms randomly decide to have a "throwback" show
i started watching the show because it was entertaining...now i'm watching my favorite characters pretend to be The Supremes. who cares

i need a dam* job

TV One and BET just froze on my TV -- coincidence?

motherhood is no joke...ever since being forced to take care of my sister's child i have never been so exhausted in my life

cooking 3 meals a day
cleanting the freaking kitchen
vacuum-ing
read-ing picture books
practicing multiplication tables (like my illusion, :)
and not to mention follow-ing his every move with the dust buster after he returns from being outside

i see why stay-at-home moms be snappin on people now! if the highlight of my day was gett-ing the kid to eat all of his green beans, i would be a little snappy too if another adult walked in the house and didn't give me a flippin hug

lol, who sings gospel hymns while laying in the bed, with their siblings joining in? the kids on 7th Heaven! lol, good times

so where is the kid now? i know you're wandering...the water in the bathroom has been continuously running for about 5 minutes now...i should get up and see what he's doing but i would like to finish this first....hmmmmmm

it shut off...

he walks out, cheeses and then says....

"I made a mess" ....hardy har har

he then proceeds to ask me if I've heard of a song called Get Off the Corner, WTF!

i've rambled long enough...peace and love, peace and love

Neuroscience room 618

Neuroscience Room 618

your walls are cold
everything is sterile
should this be a positive?

Neuroscience ICU

buzzzzz
nurse: "How may I help you?"
Me: frozen...I can't say anything

she proceeds to get loud,
"HOW MAY I HELP YOU?"

I studder, "I, I'm here to see Amos Turner"
she tells me to hold

i cut my eyes
cuz this woman does not know what my family has been through
the last 3 days have been hell
and if she doesn't watch it
she might experience hell on earth from....me

the doors open
black suite, blond hair
ohhh so this is the voice behind the doors that once stood closed
no eye contact this go round
just a polite voice
"Mr. Turner is in 618"

we walk into his room
and the confusion on his face tells it all
he speaks, in a rugged tone,
"Joyce"
"Liza"
but wait, you got her name right...no grandpa i'm not liza,
i'm tonza

ha, you never could pronounce my name right, but i adapted

remember me?
the loud one, you have to remember

i once stood in the middle of your living room
stomping on your coffee table

remember, i was the only one who got away with that
i was the your "doll baby".......

i'll just blame it on the sedation
cuz i know they have no adoration...for you
the way that i do

those gray eyes
they once had life, but now...
now they are just empty

Neuroscience Room 618

4 seizures in one afternoon
damages? who knows
explanations? they for dam* sure don't know

wtf
i know you're not God, but can you at least...
tell me something

moms is slowly declining
she was never one to deal with the sick

so that leaves me, standing here
waiting...
cuz i'm not leaving until you figure it out
somebody has to put the iron fist down

stop bs'n my fam
and get me some answers

Neuroscience Room 618

he's fidgeting
so i'll try to make him more comfortable
we're tugging and pulling at sheets, trying our best

you see this ONE nurse, he doesn't like...
and we know why, but won't say it aloud

so instead of dicsussion we just step in and take her place, lol
some things never change

i now see where some of my ideals come from...

its 6:30

black suite, blond hair cuts the lights off
visiting hours = over

its time to go -- Southbound 95
moms doesn't want to leave, so i just wait until she's ready

black suite, blonde hair comes back

lol, its not worth the fuss, lets go

i slowly kiss his head and rub his arm...repeat
"alright, liza"

my head drops...


*to be continued*

got

you got me
i was driving home
for the last time from an experience that will never be duplicated

what is with this!
why do we go through things with half closed eyes
and when its over, we look back and say dam*

so i try to live in the moment
never passing up the opportunity
to do anything and everything
within my wants and needs

i hate good bye's
God knows i do

maybe i'm thinking too hard
taking too much from those who i've been surrounded by

i don't care
that's who i am

but yea you got me

my emotions took over as i drove away
the road clouded by my tears

even as i type this the computer screen has slowly become an amoeba of memories

but such is life

it feels great to get got:)

cuz i wouldn't be me without it

Crush

i've been watching you
and I like what I see
but the first move will never be me

but I don't want to wait
because tomorrow is never promised
ha, i like to call you my afro-donis, lol

i wasn't expecting this
feelings
shmeelings

my hard exterior won't allow me to share this

but until the right time, i'll be waiting
patience isn't your strong suit
so, i hope you make the first move...

snaps snaps*

Passion

Its passion when you will yell at the top of your lungs for the entire world to hear you.

Passion keeps you up all night, but still wakes up with you in the morning.

Its what gives you goosebumps.

Draining both mentally and physically, passion keeps you going while in the moment.

Passion is a high and when you finally come down even in the heat of the crash you can't wait to go back up.

Being without passion is like being without a purpose.

Passion F*#!$ so hard with happiness.

Its in my nature...this passion thing, and regardless of the outcome, I will fight until my natural death for this feeling in my heart.

Find your passion.

A new experience: My first week at VSU

It's Friday for some, but because I'm working through the weekend, today is just another day with no end in sight.

I've been at VSU for 6 days now and I absolutely, hands down, thumbs up, positively love it here! Going to an HBCU is like a breath of fresh air!
Ths sounds...

I can hear the marching band practicing -- the drumline is beating away in the distance, and the brass and wind section are counting away their steps to the next set. Further down the street there are a couple of sisters sitting on the stoop to Foster Hall chatting about their drama. How can I tell? HA! All I had to hear was, "I don't like that (blank) and I better nor see her in the cafe tomorrow. I just laugh and keep walking -- I'm strolling pass the basketball and there are about 15 brothers going toe-to-toe, all hot, sweaty, with no shirts on -- PTL! In between all of this at least 3 caprices (sittin on 22's of course) have rode by bumping, or should I say BOOMING the sounds of Rick Ross and others the like. The po-po has also passed at least twice -- I threw the dueces -- cuz I love everybody!

They're about to have a jam session behind me for the summer school students. I can hear the DJ laughing on the mic about the fact that no one is there. I wish I was, but I'm on my way to my dorm because these 10-hour days are beginning to get to me -- time to soak it all in -- slumber.

Until after the next sunrise --
Peace and Love
-Me

Change -- to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.

I think change is necessary, so that's why the name of this blog has changed. Rida (Ree-dah) has died, and probably won't resurface again.
I'm in a world where I'm constantly learning. And piece I'm gaining the wisdom and knowledge necessary to carry me through this life.
While my foundation is solid -- I see nothing wrong with adding sandbags every once in a while just for that extra reassurance. My conservative view has sometimes made me resistant to new ideas, but I'm trying to change that as of now.
I can't stay in one place too long. My mother often says, "you don't let grass grow under your feet." She can never tell what's coming from me. My mother and father often tell me I was a "different child" but I don't think so though. I just do what I want, when I feel like it...which I see nothing wrong with!
Until we meet again!
-Me

One In A Million

So my past entries have been all about things going on in my life, but now its time to move on to things that I can state my opinion on.

Sex is not everything. But in our society that's what it has come to. I've met dudes at 10 p.m. and by 10:10 they are already asking me to have sex in an indirect way. Its really sad that so many females feel this way, but quite frankly, we've gotten used to it, and we accept it to a certain level.

Its just not attractive for a guy to talk about sex within the first few minutes of meeting a female. NOT EVERY female is hoe out here! There are some of us who don't want to have a one-night-stand with you, or who even still claim to be on the Virgin Island! It especially bothers me when a good looking dude, or even a guy who has lot going for himself stoops to that level of asking for sex before you even know my last name.

Not to get too serious out here, but its reality, STI's and HIV are spreading and you would think people would be more careful. A condom can't prevent you from getting herpes! So why are you poking everything that walks by with a nice body! I know some of the most georgous females who have herpes, and ghonorea! If she's fine enough for you to try to hit, don't you think other dudes have hit before too?!? More than likely if she looks good and gives it up to you, she's done it before and it probably won't be her last time.

I feel like sex is used as a way to form a male's identity in some cases. They feel as though they need to go out here and "sow their wild oats" in order to be excepted by their peers. But someone has to stand up and be different. AND I KNOW there are some of you guys out there! I'm not one of these male-bashing females. I do believe there are some good guys who are not hoes and want love with sex.

You're just one in a million.

Sex is physical. But I think it can be controlled on a mental level when that individual wants to. Abstinence isn't easy, but it makes the moment that much better when you wait. If I could get that thought through to my peers I would be good to go!

Such is life...

New York

This past weekend me and my girls decided to take a random trip to New York City. We ended up leaving out early on Saturday morning -- which turned out to be a stuggle for me! We searched for about 20 minutes for a 24-hour paarking spot in DC. HA! We finally found one at Union Station. Proceeding out of Union Station we used Sasha, a portable navigation system, to find our way to I St. where our bus left from. Let's just say that we won't be using that bus line anytime soon! The smell from the bus made me nausous, so the 4 hours to NY were the longest in my life.

Upon arriving in New York (Chinatown) we headed to Penn station to go down to Jersey to meet up with one of my girl's aunties!

We got to Jersey around 3:30 p.m. and decided to head over to Rutgers to visit the campus. I was thinking about Rutgers for grad school, but after visiting discovered that I don't really want to head that way. The campus was really nice, but its not the "feel" that I want. At least I think. We'll see about other grad schools later on.

Besides going to Jersey we didn't do much else. But it was a good time anyway. Everytime I go to NY I fall in love all over again. Besides the weird people and delayed subway trains, I just love being in the environment. NY has a place for everyone, you just have to give it a chance.

Who knows what the future holds for me...until next time -- PEACE & LOVE:)

Richmond, RIchmond's Ringing My Bell!

SO! I have done so much thinking over the past few days. Its been a roller coaster so here it goes.

Thursday night, went to the Tyler Perry Play, "The Marriage Counselor." It was great, we laughed until it was no longer possible.

Friday I decided to take an adventure into Richmond since I don't go that often. Went to the Jamaica House and got a beef patty and coco bread! It was great. Then I left there and went to Belle's Isle, where I sat on a rock in the James River and thought about life after graduation. While sitting there I discovered that I want a simple life. I can't see myself working 18-hour days for some company that could care less about me as a person. So, I'm thinking about going into public affairs and possibly relocating back to Richmond in January. Its just a thought for now, but if this summer goes the way I plan it...I'll be back, with a full time job! More on that later though.

Saturday I went to see the grandparents, it was interesting. And it always is!

Sunday I went to church with my mother, sister, and nephew. It was good, although my day didn't really start until later, when I watch Rev. Wright on CNN. Man, you have got to hear this man's speech. Very powerful, even though I know it will be heavily criticized later.

Now I'm sitting here preparing for an interview tomorrow. My mother just finished straightening my hair, and I am not happy about it. More on that later -- this hair thing of mine...oh you will find out!

Not too much else going on, except that I'm ready for the summer. I hope all is well in your life, if not...A change is going to come...try to be productive despite the situation!

Thanks for reading --

Mind, Body, Soul, and Heart

I was sitting at work today and one of my co-workers came up to the desk and we discussed taking care of the mind, body and soul. He said "heart" out of no where and I thought to myself, hmmmmmm, makes sense. I don't really know why or how, but it does.

Lately, I've been on a health kick. And I don't mean a Slim Fast, watching calories health kick. I'm talking about an old-fashioned, cutting out the processed food gig. I can honestly say that I feel so much better! I don't eat fast-food, even though its tempting on this campus, and I have cut out every other type of liquids except water and 100% juice. I get weak just like any other person, but when I do I think of the feeling I have been having lately. I just say, "is it worth it to eat that now, and feel nauseous later? Nah its not!" I'll just go back to my room and eat an orange or something!

I have also been in the gym quite frequently. And when I can't make it there, I run. I never thought I would be running out of choice, but I can see why people say they love that "runner's high" that they feel. The Ipod also helps me to get in the zone.

Now to the soul. Man this is one in which I am still discovering. During my childhood I was taught that you go to church every Sunday, regardless of what you did the night before. Now I'm realizing that simply being there is not enough. You have to live this stuff, night and day. You have to study, like you would for an exam that you forgot about in 2 hours, lol. I'm finding that many of my peers simply say they are religious, but couldn't tell you hardly anything from the Bible. I haven't quite come to a conclusion on this one, but I'm trying, and I know I'll see the light one day. Until then, I'll keep reading, and learning.

As far as the heart. Well, that's still up in the air. For now I'll just keep eating my whole-grains! lol

Until He^ let's the sunset on another day, I'll holler!

In the beginning...

As I sit and think of the ways in which I can create my space for the writing I plan to do, I can't help but reflect on who I am as an individual. A lot has changed over the course of this year. I would like to say that I have "discovered" myself, but in reality I know there is so much more to learn.

I find myself in deep thought sometimes only to still have questions in the end. So, I say to you my brothers and sisters, I am not here to influence anyone's opinion on anything that I choose to post. This is a space for me to share my thoughts with the world. I never in a million years would have thought I would have a blog. But, here I am -- and life -- simply put, takes you on paths, trails, and roads that you never would have expected.

I'm just down for the ride -- the location to be determined.

Welcome to Rida's (Ree-dah) Thought:)